she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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