he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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