sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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