Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize