very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
