A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
