She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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