That's intense
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
