Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
