i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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