rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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