I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
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I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
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Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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