Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
