they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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