evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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