By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
