so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
