All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
