Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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