Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
