i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
