I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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