I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
