remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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