"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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