what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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