i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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