I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
