Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
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Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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