I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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