That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
