The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
