Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize