turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.