mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.