I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
