My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
