I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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