he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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