How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
