I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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