when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
