This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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