there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
