Non-Jews are for practice
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
