Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
