Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
this will be a night to untag.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
