PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
