Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
