I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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