Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
