I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
