i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize