remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just want nice things and good sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
